Basically, everything is fine and normal EXCEPT for my XAML code files which are zoomed in to ridiculous proportion. Not just the font, but the menus in that widget as well:

If you look to the tabs and text surrounding the window, you can see how comically large the XAML window is. When I open another XAML file, it was undocked so it goes off the screen and I can't even see the controls on the other side (it doesn't show on my second monitor; it just gets cut off).

This is not a font problem, it's a zoom problem of some kind but I haven't been able to find any kind of zoom control that works (there are several keyboard shortcuts listed in other questions, but none of them do anything).

Any other file type displays normally (C# code etc).